YAWN

I think in most posts, I mention being tired. The easy answer, I know, is "go to bed earlier." That sounds so simple, but for one thing I'm definitely a night owl; there's very little I love more than my quiet house, when it's just they hubby and I. The other issue and more problematic, is that if I go to bed early, I have a hard time falling back asleep after the 3AM BG check (we don't feel comfortable letting her go through the night most nights). Whereas, if I go to bed closer to midnight, 3AM is a blip, I sleepwalk through my duties and am able to fall right back asleep without issue 90% of the time. So, no matter what, for lack of a better term, my sleep is screwed up every weeknight. Because I don't work*, I take the weeknight shifts and hubby does the weekend. All the more reason to say TGIF! Even his nights, though, I still usually wake up to his alarm or his movements. 

Another disadvantage with going to bed early, is that I then find myself having to wake up twice during the night (unless hubby stays up until after 11), and I honestly hate nothing more than my alarm clock. (I have 2 alarm clocks: the clock radio is for the morning wake up and the iTouch is for night time alarms.)  Sidenote -- In the past year+, I have developed certain skills. It's nothing applicable to anything else in life nor anything to really be proud of, but, for example, I can check blood sugar in the dark better than anyone. (thank you for the applause; thank you, thank you ;) ) Another skill I have, but actually started when I was younger - stemming from having to wear a head gear at night - is my ability to take off or turn off things in my sleep.

So, back to that alarm clock... my subconscious also hates my alarm clock. I somehow have been turning off the 3AM alarm in my sleep. The only solid nights of sleep I was getting was when I was neglecting my daughter. So a few nights ago, I finally moved the iTouch onto a dresser that forces me to get out of bed. It was good I did, because that first night of doing so, after K's BG was 251 mg/dl at nearly midnight, she dropped to 50 mg/dl at 3AM. And we had just decreased the amount of insulin she gets from 12- 3 (aka "decreased the basal rate during that time"). I woke her up a little; gave her juice. It was one of the rare 10% of nights that I couldn't go back to sleep after going to bed after midnight. K couldn't sleep either; she was calling for me 20 minutes later saying her tummy hurt (which is her classic symptom for being low). I checked her again and she had come up to 83 mg/dl. Pretty good, but at 3:20 in the morning, I feared she might drop again, so I gave her a little more juice. I rubbed her hair, kissed her cheek the way most parents comfort a sick child, but I find myself doing every night, and bid her farewell, again. I still had trouble getting back to sleep. That was Tuesday AM and I'm still playing catch up - or maybe falling even further behind... 
None of my babies were great sleepers. Don't even get me started on my #2 child, but it seems like right when things were starting to mellow (because K was not a great sleeper even at 3)  - diabetes came and disrupted the sleep again. Oy.


* ok, regarding that work comment from up above, before you other "SAHM" snap at me, after all these years, I still don't know how to say "I don't work for $ and spend most my time caring for my children and my home" (thank you Kristin Maschka for detailing this dilemma in your book, This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be") - yes, I know it's a full time job in itself, but I don't need the same brain power my husband does for his job- or a restful sleep to stay awake while reading/reviewing boring stuff like he does. That's just the way we operate. It seems to work. 

How YOU doin?

Sometimes people ask my husband and/or I, "How are you guys doing (regarding diabetes)?" There are two reasons why I love this question:

1. When someone asks about how I'm doing, or Marc, or the family, they recognize that, at this point, it's not just about K. Yes, it is K's *disease* (I hate that word, but it is, right?) and it breaks my heart that she cannot take a break from it like we can - but for now, the caretakers in her life are filling in for her pancreas, so, at this point, the burden is on us - and the stress of that care and some of our restrictions likewise affect our sons. The question "how is K doing with her diabetes?" is a pretty short answer - she's good. Sure, she's not a fan of diabetes, but it's all she knows and we make it so she can lead a pretty normal life. No, she didn't get dessert at Islands last night when we dined with a cousin - but after carb heavy fried food for dinner, did anyone need a sundae? No, and nobody got one - as they wouldn't have 2 years ago.

Obviously, over time, K will take more charge of her care. I'm hoping that before kindergarten she can check her own blood sugar. I imagine we'll work on carb counting as she learns to read maybe. This will become more and more about her as she gets older and the question, "How is K doing?" will have a much more elaborate answer at that point.

2. The other reason I like this question is that this stupid disease is a constant, yet fluctuating, presence in our life. Very little has changed since K was diagnosed. She still needs insulin to live and it's not just a matter of carb counting, dosing and walking away. Yes, she's been on the pump for over eight months and it's been a life saver. And yes we're used to living shackled to the blood glucose meter and the timer and sensing low or high blood sugars. We're more adept and less stressed than a year ago. However, there are constant variations - this is not an exact science. We count carbs; we weigh food, we chart her BGs to look for trends - but sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for her blood sugar readings. How was K's BG high for six straight hours through the night and then 64 upon wakeup? How just a few days later is she running low during that same time period? It scares us, it frustrates us and no amount of tweaking the pump basal settings clears it up. In sum, again, it's a pain in the ass - and it's constant. Also, I'm really really tired.

So, I kind of answered the question, "How are you doing?" with that second point, which was not my intention. I was just trying to explain why it's a question worth asking.  :) The only time it's not worth asking is when K is around. She actually doesn't like us talking about it with people. We try to explain to her that in certain circumstances, we need to, for her safety.

Last note, we are walking again for a cure for diabetes. I hope that when K is my age, or younger, she can say, "I had diabetes when I was young." I'd love for her and all type 1s - a disease for which there is NO cause - to eat and run around carefree like most people. I don't want her to have to worry about the consequences of diabetes that may come as she gets older. JDRF is our best hope for a cure. Read more on our Kate Crusade Donation page if you'd like to walk with us or will consider donating.